by: M Newberg
So, I try so hard to drive to work each day and each day my stomach hurts to even think about the drive. I do not automatically get up and think oh goody I get to drive to work today! Nope. Not any day that I can think of since we moved.
So today April 27, 2021 I start to leave for work, get about 3-4 miles into it and I just cannot do it today. Stomach hurts and anxiety at a low slightly elevated level. My brain is thinking too much and so I turn around and go home.
I have spent most of the day looking for a good bible study online. I know that I must get into God’s word to find healing. Found a lot of good websites and blogs, but no good bible study for a woman on the edge.
I still feel that emptiness. I feel unsettled. Lazy. Unmotivated. Overwhelmed. What is wrong with me?
Why do I need a bible study? Can I not study the bible for myself; just open it up and read and search for God’s truth?
I really want to blog and share. I have not found a good thing to write about. Writer’s block I suppose.
Then there’s the depression that returns again and again. Worry, fret, guilt, and the feeling of not belonging. I know this must be affecting my family.
I know my husband is trying to be supportive and encouraging.
I am of no use to anyone being stuck like this. Hence, the enemy seems to be winning but I don’t serve him, I serve the True Living God! The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob! The Messiah Yeshua! He wins! He can use me as a tool to help and encourage others. How or what must I do to let Him do this?
There is such a strong spirit of doubt today and in our times. A last-ditch effort by the enemy to get as many people as he can to jump ship before our Savior returns to take us home. I must not succumb to these doubts. Yes, they may come but I must resist. I must stand with my faith in Yahovah. Yeshua died for me to live.
We had recently bought a side of beef, a half of a cow. I keep thinking about that cow. It lost its life so that people could eat, and life could be sustained. It makes me sad and tempts me to be a vegetarian, but it also makes me think about Yeshua being innocent, and His life He gave up to save us; to sustain our lives.
I know Yahovah must have brought the cow to my mind. I have been sad about animals losing their lives but have not really thought about how it benefits me. The cow was innocent, did no wrong that I know of, yet he was killed for my sake. (The cow is not a savior because his life was taken, Yeshua gave His life, it was not taken).
Have you ever driven in the country and looked out your window at cows in the field? I do, and I think about how they graze peacefully with no worries, no concern that any day their life will be required of them. They will be slaughtered so that people can eat. For some reason that causes me anxiety, but it’s the truth, next time I drive down the same road, will that cow still be there or will it be gone.
And…what do cows have to do with the issue of anxiety and depression? Nothing really except that it makes me meditate on the fact that Yeshua gave His life so that I can be healed. I can have peace, and if not in this life but when I am with my Savior, I will be free from the burden of this world!
Have you considered what Yeshua did for you? Think about it the next time you eat beef or see a cow grazing.
“The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, ‘Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!'” John 1:29 NKJV
“The place in the Scripture which he read was this:
‘He was led as a sheep to the slaughter;
And as a lamb before its shearer is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.'” Acts 8:32 NKJV
“There will no longer be any curse; and the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and His bond-servants will serve Him;” Rev 22:3 NASB
“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matt 11:28-30 NASB