Let me see, what’s going on today? Winter or should I say fall, but it feels like winter. Cold, dreary, overcast, and foggy this morning. Sitting here in my home next to my grand dog. The children are playing their video games in their rooms. My husband is preparing lunch for them. He’s such a good guy; my husband. He’s been there for me through a lot, other guys would have left a long time ago.
We don’t always get along; in fact, our children would probably say we never get along. Children don’t see everything that happens between a husband and wife. They don’t see when at night we turn to each other and say, “I’m sorry.”, they don’t see my thoughts between myself and God when I cry out to Him to help me overcome my anger towards my husband. I do this often even when I think I’m right.
I might walk outside and cry out to God, “God, help him see what I mean! I don’t understand why he doesn’t understand! I just want to leave, (with tears in my eyes), I don’t want to keep doing this over and over!”. It can be a long conversation.
By the time I’m done with my walk, ranting and raving, God has stepped in and softened my heart towards my husband. It is an interesting thing to me and continues to prove the existence of the Great I AM!
In my own fleshly being I don’t see the same outcome. I would have already convinced myself that I deserve better, or I need to leave this situation, they’ll be better off without me. Basically, I would be another statistic of divorce.
Don’t take me wrong, my husband is not abusive, not an alcoholic, doesn’t use drugs, etc. He’s a very hard worker. He’s highly motivated when something needs to be done. A man that is zealous for God. The problem usually starts with a lack of communication, and his “rough around the edges” personality. No sugar coating from him! Us women need just a little icing sometimes.
My problem is, it seems, he pushes the right buttons and after so many times I feel cornered emotionally and strike back verbally. From there it just goes downhill and into a yelling argument. I’m sure other marriages have had this same problem, with some of them ending in a split. It’s sad.
I’m determined to do my part to keep the marriage together. I’m sure he is too; it just doesn’t always look that way in my eyes. I ponder, why do I have to work so hard, and why does it seem like he’s not working as hard to adjust or compromise to help the situation?
I don’t see myself with anyone else. We have been married close to thirty years, why start over with a whole different set of problems. The grass is not always greener on the other side! You’ll just step into another set of problems. One thing I say to other people is, my husband is not perfect but he’s perfect for me. I believe we are together for a reason.
That reason may simply be to accomplish patience and understanding for each other as the LORD would have us do. A marriage held together through adversity can be a powerful tool for the kingdom of God!
“But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God.” Acts 20:24 NASB 1995
God, our Heavenly Father, the Creator of all life, gives us, husbands and wives, instruction on this struggle I’m writing about. Although a lengthy quote, it is worthy of our reflection and commitment to put to action for a successful marriage and relationship.
“Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:3-9 NASB 1995
As a side note, keep in mind that, I believe, this scripture is not suggesting that you don’t wear pretty clothes and jewelry, just don’t let that be your sole source of beauty; it should be deeper than that. Also keep in mind that this doesn’t suggest that a man should treat a woman as his slave. See, in verse 4, scripture shows how, eternally, a gentle and quiet spirit is so valuable. It gets you further in life and provides peace in your life and in relationships.
If you’re struggling right now in your marriage and the buttons keep getting pushed, don’t give up. Pray, and cry out to God to help you to hang in there and finish the race you have begun! Be encouraged that He wants you to succeed in your marriage. It is the enemy, the devil, that rejoices every time a marriage is broken. That old enemy of ours rejoices at the pain that divorce induces on the children of broken families. Don’t give him a foothold! Resist the devil and he will flee from you!
Consider our Father’s words and take them to heart; you will see blessings in the long run, even into eternity with Him.
Disclaimer, I am in no way advising any woman, or man, to stay in a physically abusive relationship nor a relationship that is a victim of infidelity. (Although, I do believe that God can and has healed marriages in these predicaments), I am not a marriage counselor nor a licensed counselor of any type. I am simply writing from my experience and perspective and want to encourage others.
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